How To Deal With Roommates In College

This year has been no different than years past, as soon as October comes around many of my students from the year before start texting me about their horrible, insufferable, college roommates. When leaving home for the first time and sharing a small space intimately with a new person can be an adjustment. Below are some ideas that might help your child navigate the transition.

First, don’t blame the college. I am surprised that a lot of students blame the college for their roommate. They believe that somehow the roommate questionnaire they filled out would make it easy for the college to place them with the perfect roommate. Well, it doesn’t always work that way. The colleges will use the data and try to match you with the right person. However, how people read and interpret the questions on the questionnaire can differ greatly. Also many answer with their romantic, emotional dreams of what they want to live like in college without reflecting and answering who they really are. The colleges will try their best but they are working on very subjective information. So don’t leave or transfer from a college because you believe they set you up with a bad roommate.

Second, it is good to spend that first week outlining and talking about expectations up front. Really try to get to know them and the way they live. What is important to them, what are their habits, what do they like, what do they hate. Then take the time to calmly answer and react to their living style. Tell them what might be hard for you and what would be easy. Usually you can both come up with a way to compromise and work around each other's needs.

Next try communicating. I am surprised when I ask my past students if they have told or talked to their roommate about their problems. Probably 8 times out of 10 they haven’t. When growing up in Asia, we as parents make all sorts of accommodations for our children. We make it easy for them to not deal with problems and focus on academics. Unfortunately, that can sometimes backfire on us when our children reach college and now have to navigate life as well. As you all know life is 80 percent dealing with people, their thoughts, emotions, and paradigms. Being able to communicate calmly, logically and non-emotionally is hard but one of the best methods of solving a lot of issues with other people. Talk to your roommate first!

Finding your own space is also a great way to relieve roommate stress. This won’t work if there are noise and sleep time issues, but if you are just struggling with their music, annoying habits, or the way they do or don’t clean the room. Sometimes just finding a place other than your room where you can just chill and relax will give you the energy and ability to overlook and forgive their small faults. They might also need the time away from you.

Lastly, whatever you do, don’t vent or voice your frustrations to others in the dorm. This is a sure fire way to create a very toxic atmosphere that will be difficult to reconcile with your roommate. People like to gossip and talk. The person you think you might be telling in confidence could very well just turn around and tell a friend who tells a friend and you know what happens then? Talk directly to your roommate or don’t talk at all.

If nothing works out and the relationship really can’t be solved then you are probably just going to have to wait until the end of the term. Which is usually only about 15 weeks so not impossible to survive. Make sure you talk to your resident assistant or other administrator in charge of dorms. State your reasoning, clearing, and calmly without emotions and why it is affecting your studies. You need to be patient but the RA or Administrator given enough time will make sure that you are in a more healthy situation.

Famous Alumni

Ernest S. Croot III - Is a mathematician and professor at Georgia Institute of Technology. He is famous for his solution to the Erdos- Graham Conjecture and the solution to the Cap Set problem. Professor Croot received his undergraduate degrees in Mathematics and Computer Science from Centre College in Danville, Kentucky in 1994 and went on to receive his PhD at the University of Georgia under the direction of Andrew Granville.