Family

For all the thought and effort you put into trying to prepare your children for success the most important and obvious determinant of success is right in front of you - it is you. Parents and parenting is the single most important determinant of the future success of your children. As I have mentioned before every child is unique and different so parenting isn’t the only component required for success but I would argue that it is most definitely the component with the largest influence on your child’s future. 

So below quickly I’ve laid out some of my observations over the years that can hopefully provide you some thought provoking insights you can discuss with your loved ones over the Lunar New Year holiday.

Mothers are by nature nurturing and loving. They have the most day to day contact with their children. However, mothers also seem to worry and with that worry comes the inclination to control outcomes. Because of their love coupled with their fear they tend to try to solve problems, nag children to do better, not allow them to fail, defend children when they know their child is wrong. They also tend to compare their children to others. These behaviors actually lead to the child’s failure more than success. The child will become dependent on their parents and expect the parent to solve problems. They will feel a false sense of security and fear of going out into the unknown. Also the comparison to other children and the pressure to perform can break their spirit especially when they realize they can not do as well as someone else. 

Just love your children. Encourage them but don’t compare and give them pressure. Talk with them and determine what their best is. Demand that they respect others, and respect themselves by doing their best. However, at the same time let them know they are unique and their best is good enough. Tell them not to compare themselves to someone else's best. If you love and support without fear and comparison to others your chances of bringing up a confident and successful child will grow.

Father’s are models and leaders. Too many fathers are absent from their children’s lives. Fathers need to spend quality time with their children. They need to love their wives, take responsibility and make the big decisions by leading family discussions and managing family emotions. It is their ability to provide for the family, navigate the difficult times, make hard decisions, and coach and mentor that leaves the lasting impression and imprint on their children. Good fathers will raise successful daughters that will know what a true husband can provide and how to support them and their children. Good fathers will raise young men that take responsibility and provide both financially and emotionally for their wife and children. 

So fathers, to leave this imprint you need to spend that quality time with your family. It doesn’t need to be every day or every week, but you must make time for everyone. You must be present and available and when it really is important you must pick family over work. Good vacations without distractions, 4 hour chunks of weekend time doing something with your children that they like to do. Planned and communicated dates nights with your wife. All of these little things and time invested will pay dividends in the success of your child.

So just remember that paying for tutors, going to special schools, or comparing yourself or your children to others isn’t going to help you or your children become successful. Loving and genuinely seeing your children as the unique creations they are and helping them develop that uniqueness by demanding and teaching them to do their best and to respect others is probably your best investment in their future.

Famous Alumni

John Venhuizen, CEO of ACE Hardware, one of the largest retailers in the USA of hardware, tools, and home improvement products. Ace has 5580 stores located in all 50 states and 69 countries. Mr. Venhuizen graduated from a very small liberal arts christian college with a bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration. Trinity Christian College is located in Palos Heights, Illinois and has produced a number of successful business persons.